Let's Try It Again

My 2 1/2 year old son, Evan, got a thoughtful card in the mail yesterday afternoon. It was the kind of mail that would make any mother proud. He got a cute card and some photos from two of his past Day Care providers from Maine. Filled with loving messages about how much they missed him and how they hoped he was doing well in Illinois with his new school. Well wishes for Mom, Dad, and Oliver the cat, were also sent along.

To say that I was surprised to receive this is quite the understatement. Not that it wasn't a fabulous place to send Evan, but simply because I was amazed that three months after our departure they were still thinking of my child enough to send a letter. *Brief pause for heart-swelling pride* Now, Brandon and I think Evan is special, but that's our job.

Maine was really difficult for us. Which being a native New Englander flummoxed me completely. Neither Brandon or I enjoyed our jobs - more about mine later I'm sure - and we had no friends there. Yes, I had friends in Massachusetts but that was still a 3 hour drive away and with a young child we did not see people frequently. So as soon as we could we took the opportunity and hightailed it back to the "Middle."

We realized Maine was a mistake almost as soon as we moved. I remember crying bitterly while unpacking our kitchen our very first week in Maine and stating that I wanted to "Go Home." Home being Indiana and no longer my native Massachusetts. The first house was an unimaginable disaster - that's what we get for renting a place sight unseen. Buying a house was truly the only option and while it's a lovely place, it remains an albatross around my neck tying me to a place where I never wished to be.

So that's why we risked our health and sanity and drove across the ice-slicked interstates in January to get to this spot in Northern Illinois. Is it perfect? Not yet. And I'm not really seeking perfection. So how can I be certain that this move isn't also a mistake and that we won't move again in 3-5 years time? I can't. But I'm trying to learn from past mistakes, to not set timelines, and to trust my gut instincts. So here's to the "Middle" and for trying things again.

My Rationale

I figured some insight into my thinking process regarding my decision to blog might be helpful to my readers (not that you exist yet)and a great growing/learning process for myself.

I'm 33 years old and a wife and a mother and a professional arts administrator and yet there are things that are missing in my life. I have been dwelling lately on those things.

I'm a professionally trained musician who has not picked up her instrument (not even to clean it) in close to 3 years. I have moved 7 times in the past 10 years and have lived in 5 different states. I have not lost my baby weight and my son is 2 1/2.

So instead of just thinking of all that I've lost, I need to focus on all that I've gained and make myself even better in the process. Plus, all the yelling at my sweet husband was turning me into the crazy, scary "kept woman" lunatic that I thought only existed on TV. And not adding alot to my marriage, for sure.

I have thus taken some steps back towards sanity, and as I have no job at the moment, I find myself with time on my hands. I will be talking alot about my weight loss journey and struggles as well as my P90X exercise regimen. I am exploring the Midwest again - this time by choice and for keeps. And I am passionate about music again, in large part to my "5 boyfriends".

Finally, and most importantly, I am seeking "something big" to pursue in my life and I don't know what that will be yet. So stick around and help me figure it out. Should be quite a trip.

Here I go again.....